In Pursuit of Magic at Esalen

It has been a slow re-entering of the San Francisco world following my four weeks at Esalen. As I’ve reconnected with friends I’ve been asked numerous times what I got out of my month at Esalen, was it worth it, and what was it like? After almost two weeks outside the gates and up the hill I've been unsure how to best answer the questions - especially what I got most out of being there. There's so much that I took from the time there, yet finding the words to bring it all together is proving difficult. One thing I have realized is that the experience was something of a dream or desire that I didn’t know I had until I was in it. While I knew about Esalen and had a curiosity about it I really had no idea what it really would be like.

Would I go back and was it worth it? Yes, absolutely. I’d like to transport myself back at any moment. However, with my first experience being the opportunity to spend an entire month there I know it was exceptionally special and not something that everyone gets to be part of. Esalen is indeed a magical place and it takes time to settle in and explore the many facets that create the magic. To only go for a two day weekend workshop, or even a five day one, seems like such a tease and nowhere near enough time to embrace and become absorbed in it all. It feels like you’re leaving before you’ve even arrived.

The land that Esalen sits on, the community and relationships fostered by the staff and everyone else there, the workshop and space created, and the daily work in the kitchen were all pieces of the puzzle for me in my time there. As I settled into each aspect the whole began to form. It’s from that whole picture that I was able to identify what and how I might be able to bring forward some of the magic into life outside the Esalen gate.

I could probably spend paragraphs talking about the people, the work, and what feel like the tangible aspects. I’ll save most of that for now and just speak about the land before putting words to the more intangible pieces. If anything sounds a bit woo-woo or like I’ve gone off the cliff side… well, maybe I have. To that I can only say, opening my mind and heart to the full experience of being at Esalen allowed me to go places I’ve never been before and soak in all that it was giving me. Someone said at the start of my four weeks ‘Esalen doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you what you need’. Come in with whatever expectations you want and if you let the magic in you’ll walk away with so much more - it may be exactly what you expected or 180 degrees flipped on its head.

The land that Esalen occupies is not just one of spectacular beauty on the Big Sur coastline but also natural wonder and history. It is one of the rare places on earth where three types of water converge - sea water, fresh water, and hot mineral spring water. With this convergence brings a noticeable energy that’s impossible to ignore. Wandering around the Esalen property the presence of the waters flood into your senses from waves crashing along the rocks, the flow of the river beneath towering redwoods, and a soak in the baths perched on the cliff side. Also, the Esselen Native Americans once occupied the land of Esalen and beyond. Likely having been drawn to the hot springs the Esselen were occupying and utilizing the land well before any of us today leaving a legacy and energy of their own.

While I’ve always loved to be outside and enjoy the natural world - especially where there’s water involved - I have now found a different appreciation and deeper way to experience the land and environment I occupy and am part of. I found myself not just enjoying a sunrise, the sea otters paddling in the surf, or torrential rains, but actually lingering in the moment to really soak it in. It’s one thing to snap a picture of something beautiful but to really stand there and enjoy it for its wonder and not just the Instagram worthiness is a different thing all together. Sounds simple, but try it. Maybe don’t even take the physical picture but let the entire scene imprint in your mind through all senses. I thought I did this well before arriving at Esalen but I feel now that it’s even more ingrained and my experiential default. For this new found appreciation and experience of the world around me I am grateful and carrying it forward.

My experience and deep connection to the Esalen land was not something I expected. I knew I was coming to a beautiful place yet I had no idea what I was really stepping into. There was calm and comfort while at the same time powerful energy all around. One of the other folks in my program said something he really wanted to do while he was there was connect with the land more closely than he’d been able to do in prior short stays. I didn’t really understand what he meant initially and now I totally get it.

I experienced amazingly warm clear blue sky days with dolphins and whales swimming by and then crazy storms of wind and rain bringing trees down and power outages. I laid out on the edge of a tub while cold rain pelted down on me and photographed butterflies and hummingbirds feasting on flowering plants. Through all of it I felt like I belonged on the land enjoying all that it offered. I left the property two weeks into my time there and went just up the coast to Carmel. When I returned down the hill, past the gate, and stepped out of the car I felt like I’d been returned. I sunk back in to the remaining time and knew I needed to find ways to bring what I felt at Esalen back to San Francisco.

And now being back I continue to think about and identify the things that I did bring with me and find the words to answer the question of what I took away from my four weeks.

Over the last few days what has struck me is the sheer joy and ease that comes with just 'being'. Also, a re-confirmed sense that I really don't need all that much, and certainly not material things, to feel fulfilled and happy. With simplicity comes great joy. Removing all the clutter - mostly what’s running through my head and distractions of my phone - creates space and openness for so much more to come in. So now I wonder how I expand on that. How do I bring the simplicity, the ease, the joy, the ability to just ‘be’ forward and outside the very comfortable and easy container for simple living that Esalen provides?

There was a simple rhythm to much of the time in Big Sur. Between hours working, time in my actual workshop, and hopefully a visit to the baths or wander around the property the days disappeared yet stretched at the same time. Regular workshop participants came and went on Sundays and Fridays and rarely anything skipped a beat.

I found the work I was doing in the kitchen fantastically mindless - and mindless in the best sense. I’ve never done work like that before and it was amazing how enjoyable it was. Whether it was prepping endless bins of farm fresh kale or washing what seemed like a million plates and bowls after meals it was all a practice in the ability to just be. Be present, be mindful, breathe, flow. There was nothing more needed. Yeah, I had to pay attention to not shatter plates on the floor or chop my finger off with a knife but it was second nature when the focus was inward balance and flow. And at the same time, when people were freaking out because there was no coffee when the power was out for multiple hours noticing how I react and manage internally and externally was a learning experience. Let me tell you, people without coffee and looking for WiFi on a Saturday morning with no power is not exactly fun.

With all my travels and adventures over the last few years I have long known that money, job title, and the material don’t create happiness or long term fulfillment. Rather, the awareness of self, internal balance, and being in community while providing a service create opportunities for what really matters: connection and fulfillment. Esalen reinforced this for me loud and clear in so many ways. It has also led me to again begin to explore with curiosity what it means to be in San Francisco where I love the city and at the same time desire the wonder of nature. Where I crave simplicity and ease yet am surrounded by the hustle of tech and shear cost of everything.

Another piece that was a clear through thread during my four weeks is the idea of finding heart and meaning in all that I do. Or, better yet, asking ‘does this have heart and meaning?’ and using it as a compass.

I didn’t come up with this on my own, it comes from my workshop leader Steven Harper and I happily borrow, expand, and walk with it. He said to us in the beginning that he defines ‘meaning’ as ‘the place where the heart finds rest’ and encouraged us to pay attention to what has both heart and meaning. This stuck from the first moment I heard it and I followed it throughout the weeks. In the days leading up to leaving I knew with certainty that this was coming with me and I would be directed by it. It’s an effort blend the heart and the head to find the harmony in something from a very centered place.

Finding heart and meaning has become my mantra and I’m curious to see where it leads me. I am also eager to watch what continues to reveal itself over the coming weeks and months. To keep the awareness to recognize and note what pieces of Esalen have I’ve brought back yet are waiting to show themselves. I’m sure there’s more and I know there’s loads more I could write about. Time will tell and I’ll see what comes forth. I have no idea whether all these words convey anything but I’ve done my best to lead with the heart and only slightly edit with the head!

For now I can say I am grateful beyond belief for living, breathing, and soaking in the magic that is Esalen and I hope that I’m sharing at least a bit of it with the world outside the gate.